They Wash Away the Blood
by Red Weather Tiger
Summary: Nightmares of Fai's old life plague him every night, but he had hoped no one would ever have to know that.


_The blood dripped from Ashura's gentle fingers. In his arms he held the dead body of a young man; his heart had been ripped from his chest. His lifeless face seemed to scream in terror, a trickle of blood issued from his mouth. _

_Ashura's eyes were cold, stern. They had the same empty quality to them that they always had, but beneath that was a flash of dangerousness. Of insanity._

_Fai tried to scream but found that he had no voice. His eyes welled up with tears as he ran forward, trying to reach his King fallen from grace._

_"There is no one left inside the castle to kill." Even Ashura's voice was different, slower, devoid of any emotion. It stopped Fai in his tracks. "I suppose I will have to go outside then." He looked at Fai and smiled a wicked smile, not at all like the ones Fai had grown to love so much._

_"Majesty!" Fai managed to get out, but what else he had to say was drowned by the sound of screaming in his own head. He dropped to his knees, unable to move or speak or even breath, as the screaming grew louder._

_Above him, Ashura was laughing. He turned to Fai and dropped the dead young man in front of him, spattering his blood all over the mage's white coat and hands. The screaming grew louder, drowning out all other noise and threatening to crush Fai where he lay, crippled and helpless on the floor…_

Fai opened his eyes in a dark place, where shadows loomed on the walls and ceiling. There was no light to cast the image of Ashura's bloody figure out of his mind. It took him a moment to realize that it was he who had been screaming.

The horrible sound died in his throat and he looked around, panting, his arms shaking as he tried to sit himself up. The room was quiet. A candle stood in each corner but they had all been snuffed out. His white coat was wrapped tightly around him; in the dark he thought he could still make out the bloodstains that he had tried so hard to wash out. He pushed it away, every part of him still trembling, crying out for him to scream again. He put his hands over his ears and tried to breath deeply, calmly.

It occurred to him then that he was not alone in the room. Kurogane sat propped up against the wall next to him. The dark shadow of a man was staring at him, a deep frown etched into his face.

Fai slowly turned his head toward him, willing his hands to stop shaking, and his eyes to stop crying. He wanted desperately to be able to smile at Kurogane, to pass this all off as some big joke, but his face simply could not be made to do it. All he could do was sit there and stare at Kurogane, mouth open in horror and embarrassment.

Finally, Kurogane took a deep breath in and said, "Who is he?"

It was perhaps the worst thing he could have asked. "Who is… who?" Fai asked, trying his best to sound innocent despite the quiver in his voice.

"That guy you were screaming at. You called him 'Majesty.'" Kurogane's face never changed, he was still frowning. Perhaps he already knew he wasn't going to get an answer.

The word Majesty, the way Kurogane said it, brought everything back to Fai in an instant. The blood that had spattered the walls, the bodies that had littered the floor. The stench of death. All because of him. Fai put a hand to him mouth and fought to urge to be sick. The feeling passed over him like a wave and when it was over he was only able to shake his head in answer.

Kurogane could sense the fear radiating from Fai's feeble body, covering him in a dark, heavy cloud and threatening to suffocate him. He didn't ask any more questions. "This must have been a bad one," he said quietly, "If you can't even pretend to smile."

Fai looked at him, "Wh- what?"

"Almost all of your dreams are nightmares," Kurogane said, careful to keep his eyes on the ground. "You can never just sleep. You're always tossing and turning and calling out. But you were always able to smile later. Now you can't."

"I-I'm sorry," Fai looked down at his hands, which were balled up into fists, clutching the blanket that lay underneath him. "I must keep you awake a lot."

Kurogane sighed and closed his eyes, "You're not going to tell me, are you? You're just going to keep lying about it."

Fai nodded, "Until you stop asking."

There was a knock on the door. Both men looked up.

"Fai? Kurogane?" Came a boy's voice from outside, "Are you alright?"

Rolling his eyes Kurogane stood up and went to the door. Reluctantly, Fai followed him, kicking his white coat into the corner as he went.

Kurogane opened the door and found Syaoran standing in the doorway, his sword in one hand. "I heard screaming," he said, trying to look past them into the room, "Are you alright?"

"We're fine." Kurogane said. He glanced toward Fai, who tried his best to smile genially.

"Are you alright Fai?" asked a small voice from behind Syaoran.

Syaoran jumped, he turned to find the crouching figure of Princess Sakura looking up at him, embarrassed.

"Princess," Syaoran whispered, "I asked you to stay in your room."

"It was Fai who was screaming," Sakura stepped forward, reaching out for Fai's arm, "I know it was. I wanted to make sure he was alright."

Fai took the Princess's hand and tried to keep the treble out of his voice as he said, "I'm just fine Sakura."

"You had one of your nightmares again, didn't you?" Sakura patted his hand sympathetically.

Fai didn't know what to say. Before now he had had no idea that Sakura and Kurogane knew about his dreams. He looked at Syaoran, who had difficulty meeting his gaze, and knew that he too had witnessed him twisting and crying out in the night. They all knew. He thought he had kept the secret quite well, but of course his weakness had given him away.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Fai smiled through his humiliation, "Yes, Sakura, I'm fine."

"You should go back to bed now," Kurogane said suddenly.

Syaoran nodded and took Sakura's hand, "We'll talk to them tomorrow Princess." He said and led her down the hall back to their room. The Princess looked back at Fai as she walked, her big eyes filled with concern.

Kurogane stepped back inside and shut the door. Then he turned and watched Fai walk back to his bed. The mage ran a hand through his hair and sat, hugging his legs tight to him and resting his chin on his knees. Kurogane picked up the white coat, which lay in a heap a few feet away.

"Leave it," Fai said quietly.

Kurogane sighed and walked back to his spot against the wall, leaving the coat where it was. He watched Fai for a while before saying suddenly, "Don't you ever get tired of pretending?"

Fai didn't say anything, didn't even look up at him.

"Is telling the truth really that much harder than what you're doing now?"

There was a knot in Fai's chest that throbbed desperately with every beat of his heart. Tears he had been fighting back rose up again as the horrible thoughts came back. "Yes." He choked, and buried his head in his knees.

There was nothing left for Kurogane to say, so he simply watched Fai cry, his thin shoulders shaking, his hands clutching the back of his head. After a while he got up took off the cloak he had on. His movements unnoticed, he kneeled next to Fai and put the cloak around his shoulders.

Fai felt warmth spread through him, and looked up in surprise. Kurogane was already sitting back against the wall.

"It's cold," was his only explanation.

Fai drew the cloak tight around himself. He couldn't help but smile at Kurogane's kindness just a little. "Thank you." He wiped the tears from his eyes one last time and lay down again.

He lay there a while in silence, convincing him that it was all right to sleep. It was possible that he would fall asleep only to be startled awake a few minutes later by another horrible nightmare. But Kurogane's cloak was warm, and the sound of his roommate's steady breathing calmed him. He was not alone. The white coat still lay crumpled in the corner; the memories it brought were no longer as threatening from a distance. Finally, Fai closed his eyes, letting thoughts of his friends lull him into a sleep where no Kings ruled, and no blood was spilt on his perfect white coat.


End file.
